...to be a Dom.

Having observed the online lifestyle subculture now for a few years, I can say that I really don't exactly affiliate with it very closely. Maybe, that means I am not a real Dom? Well, as far as soceital views go, maybe not. Society in general views Doms, today as masogynistic and generally abusive people who don't conform to the current 'equality' trend.

There are many aspects of the BDSM lifestyle which resonate with older belief systems. Valuing slaves as lesser humans, or even valuing them as worthless animals, is something that tends to be a real kink and interest in the community. Not only from the Doms perspective, but also from the slaves perspective. I see many profiles of unowned slaves seeking a Master who is capable of treating them like the pig they want to be. Degradation is indeed a big, and popular aspect of the lifestyle, in fact. But is someone who treats a slave like a pig, really abusive or masogynistic? I suppose it does depend on the person.

What urks me a little, is seeing so many younger people who claim to be Masters or Doms, or even Dommes/Mistresses. I know at the age of 18, I may have been a stubborne teenager, but I sure as hell wasn't confident enough to be a Dom. I was dominant, yes. I often made the first move and was the one who chased many girls... But that doesn't classify me as a Dom. I was still very immature at times, and often let my emotions run wild. Such a breakdown, can be devastating to a submissive whom looks up to their Dom as their angel and strength.

Therefore, I would say that anyone who does tend to call themselves a Dom or a Master at such a young age, is really not portraying the ideals of the lifestyle in a very realistic, or authentic manner. But then again we live in an era where people can place titles on themselves as often as they want. To have meaning however, such a title needs to be given to you be someone else. You have to have a sub call you a Master, or tell you that you are a good Dom, after they have known you for a while. That is what happened to me. I never really delved into this culture seriously, until I was told that I am a good and solid natural Dom. At which point, I began really looking into it.

I know that I never truly found myself, until I was around 30 years old. Up until that point, I always had questions about who I was, and who I should be. I think that is fairly normal for most people, heck some of the most interesting people I know, still don't know at the age of 45 what they want to do, or who they really are. In any case, until you come to peace with yourself, and your own insecurities, you can't really go around calling yourself a Master, in my opinion. Sure, insecurities and self respect and other such self esteem issues, are often central to the issues a sub faces, and needs a confident and respectful Dom to help them work past those issues. Sure, this is normal. But imagine if the Dom also had such issues from time to time? What would their sub feel, if the Dom can't even deal with his own self esteem issues?

Anyhow, this was just a short topic I kinda wanted to touch on. I know there is a lot of conjecture, and opinions. But... that is why this is my blog :)